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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in bend me. break me. anyway you need me.'s LiveJournal:

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Sunday, January 14th, 2007
12:40 pm
elliott smith...
Activity's killing the actor
And a cop's standing out in the road
Turning traffic away
There was nothing she could do untill after
When his body'd been buried below
Way back in the day

Oh my
Nothing else could have been done
Made his life a lie so
He might
Never have to know anyone
Made his life the lie, you know

I told him that he shouldn't upset her
And that he'd only be making it worse
Invloving somebody else
But I knew that he'd never forget her
While her memory worked in reverse
To keep her safe from herself

And oh my
Nothing else could have been done
She made her life a lie so
She might
Never have to know anyone
Made her life the lie, you know

What I used to be will pass away
And then you'll see
That all I want now is happiness
For you and me
What I used to be will pass away
And then you'll see
That all I want now is happiness
For you and me
What I used to be will pass away
And then you'll see
That all I want now is happiness
For you and me
All I want now is happiness
For you and me

(1 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Friday, January 5th, 2007
9:59 pm
la la la
oh my god second update of the day, what is WRONG with me



switch's headshot she made for me haha, i love her..i gotta work on her's tonight

(1 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Saturday, December 30th, 2006
10:37 pm
oh boy
well to top off all the shit that's happened today, francisco from work just called me. WHAT THE HELL!!!! I hardly even know this guy, he works in the kitchen at NYPD and sometimes we joke around, which usually consists of me making really stupid spanish sentences. He's asked me out on dates before and i always say no, but he actually called me!! It was so weird! He was just like "so hwats up what are you doing" ah what the hell!? He's like 19! WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT ME DEAD TODAY!?

(ring in my ears)

Thursday, December 28th, 2006
7:17 pm
mmm robots: yeah whatever im never pleased let alone happy
friday=apocolypse day. I'm wearing a gas mask. Then a grey sheet for english to appease the spirit hungry goverment and God loving hemisphere of the class room (yes i'm aware that the class is not a circular object, but go with it)

Good stark quotes around here.

RocK SteadY 2845: call me old fashioned, but i just hate homosexuals and black people!
mmm robots: well i'll be durned! i thought i was the only one!
RocK SteadY 2845: let's start a club!
RocK SteadY 2845: we can abbreviate it as "kkk"
mmm robots: karing and koncerned kids

Anyways.

Just a few minutes ago i got back from driving to no where with no intentions of finding a destination. I noted the fact that it was about to storm, so i got in my car for the show. There's nothing more soothing than listening to alkaline trio at high volumes while driving recklessly down shea with the windows rolled all the way down and hte wind and dirt ratting your hair...the rain distorting the windsheild, and the lightning constantly illuminating the sky. Everything these days works in patterns, it's so odd. I think i already talked about this, but the balance of positive and negative is absolutely mind blowing. How can human's be so unnaware of the order that rules our daily lives, not even by days, by seconds, minutes, meer moments. It's all so orderly, the smallest thing off sets it all. I mean think of this, our central unit of life is the heart, it pumps blood to a specific beat..that beat is in a constant (if not constnat, than unhealthy) rhythm, the only thing that can change this rhythm is something interfering with life it's self. I'd be lying if i said i've been doing something other than dwelling on events that occured mainly a year ago. It blows my mind how much has changed and how much i've lost as well as gained in the same respect, all within the span of one year. I was talking to vishnu and felt incredibly nostalgic, just thinking about when we first became friends and what an exciting time that was. It's so depressing how ironically friendships work out, as it seems with many of mine, the better we got to know eachother the less we wanted to see of it...that goes for the entire group, really. I miss the days when hanging out and doing random shit was actually fun. I can't even have a conversation with most people anymore..it's sad. Anyways, it is approaching the magical month of november, which is so odd...it's strange to look at how incredibly happy i was then. Just thinking about the two best weeks of the year, where stark pear and i had quiznos day, the best one of course, then that monday i went to the park with ryan, steve, grandma and stark, then that saturday was the nintendo clash party. I think we should have episode 2 of that, just for the sake of good times. Can't believe my first kiss was only a year ago, so much has occured in that short span of time. It just endlessly suprises me. There's something very hectic about this day...all i've done is watch accidents happen. Nearly killed myself on the way to pear's house, just drove infront of another car. So many car horns just in the fucking school parking lot, witnessed 2 more near accidents and one real accident, one last night too..both really scary. People yelling, people crying, people trying to convert other people (hell no)...so much hatred and stupidity just flying around the city. All i can do is curl up in my room with some good music and a nice blanket and dream it all away. I hope this week turns out better...i'm so stressed. (wow this is the worst entry ever, there are no segways in any of it), i just found out today that i'm now doing makeup and hair too. Sucks that switch is so busy, cause it basically leaves it all up to me. I'm kind of glad i'm doing hair and makeup though just because i have specific ideas for everyone, most people can do their own makeup though luckily. Tommorow switch and i are going shopping for what we don't have. Lots of good hugs today, troy gave me the best hug ever. It's funny that i've known him for so long and how we used to be such good friends, today i saw the old troy again while we made side comments through-out the play and joked about ourselves. He's an interesting kid. Don't think i could ever get as close with him as i was before though, he's rather intimidating in the strangest of ways. Well..i intened on making this short, but of course i end up rambling and will probably be back to add more.

punkrocks283: its a hell of a freindship i'd be damned to see it go to waste

funny how everything that goes up must come down.

(5 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Sunday, December 17th, 2006
3:36 pm
the awakening
"No multitude of words could have been more significant than those moments of silence, or more pregnant with the first-felt throbbing of desire"-Kate Chopin

(ring in my ears)

Thursday, December 14th, 2006
5:00 pm
"i'm not much of a jester but i'd taste poisoned food for you"
how is it possible that everyone in my life wants to kill me, including my parents. They're so suspecting for no reason at all..i got a lecture because i had my seat reclined in ryan's car. Cause apparently that means we had sex, even though we're not going out, and he has a girlfriend. Plus my mom thinks i've been abused or some shit like that. My spice girls poster came! It's hot, i put it up.

Depression=no fun at all. It's fun for a while when you can dwell on your sadness and take advantage of it with sappy music and morbid drawings..but i'm really sick of it. It's been so long. I hate waiting for a chance that i probably wont ever get again, i hate how the things that make me happy are actually just elaborate jokes, i hate how the only thing i want is close enough to touch but too far to keep. I want to be the joy in someone's life again..i want to be the reason for waking up..i want to be special and wonderful in every tiny insignificant way. Not only that, but i want to have the confidence to believe it's true. I just want to be loved like i was before, and love the same way in return. Things like that don't come easily...and i already screwed my chance up the first time.

why is rufus wainwright such a genius/sex god?

Every kind of love
Or at least my kind of love
Must be an imaginary love to start with
Guess that can explain the rain waiting walking game
Schubert bust my brain to start with

Cause every kind of love
Or at least my kind of love
Must be an imaginary love to start with
Guess that can explain the rain waiting walking game
Schubert bust my brain to start with

Oh, to look at you
In a cab
Back of your head across my lap
Oh, what grace
Green back seat against the red of your face
Oh, to look at you
Any old grand hotel
Drunken demands give way to reservations
Oh, what a room
Champagne brings such happy faces
Happy faces

Cause every kind of love
Or at least my kind of love
Must be an imaginary love to start with
Guess that can explain the rain waiting walking game
Schubert bust my brain to start with

Cause every kind of love
Or at least my kind of love
Must be an imaginary love to start with, baby
Guess that can explain the rain waiting walking game
Schubert bust my brain to start with
Oh, oh...




no one can write about beauty like a gay man.

(4 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
6:27 pm
tell me, how does it feel, to treat me like you do?
BLAARRGHHH sexual frusteration AAAAh....just give me a few weeks and i'll look like this character.....





ARRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHH I AM GOING CRAZYYY

do you like the icon correlation of this entry?

(8 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Thursday, December 7th, 2006
5:49 pm
will you settle for love?
I've got that all around shitty feeling..however, despite down troddenness, thanks to pear for writing me such a sweet letter and stish for talking with me and making me laugh.

Oh, and Herbert, thanks for the note on my car, you naughty beast!

"Want" by Rufus Wainwright

I don't want to make it rain
I just want to make it simple
I don't want to see the light
I just want to see the flashlight
I don't want to know the answers
To any of your questions
I don't want, no I really don't want
To be John Lennon or Leonard Cohen
I just want to be my Dad
With a slight sprinkling of my mother
And work at the family store
And take orders from the counter
I don't want to know the answers
To any of your questions
I don't want, no I really don't want
To be John Lithgow or Jane Curtain
But I'll settle for love
Yeah, I'll settle for love

Before I reached the gate
I realized I had packed my passport
Before security realized
I had one more bag left
I just want to know
If something's coming for to get me
Tell me, will you make me sad or happy
And will you settle for love
Will you settle for love



sucks to want something you cant have..a feeling, a person, a place, an object...it's all so intangible to me.

(5 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
7:19 pm
haaiiir
So in the past three days i have had blonde, blue and black hair. Check it ooouuuutttt....


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(9 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

, ,
:
holy shit i'm bored
finding out bad shit about a lost friend is extremely depressing. Especially if that friend's mother was your art teacher and mentor.




RocK SteadY 2845: OMFG RY-N LETZ GIT WASSTEEEDDD <3
outofstep4130: ROFL lets do it OMB



mmm robots: ROFLMAOCITCABCDEFGHIJKLOLMNOPSUCKITBITCH
RocK SteadY 2845: I WILL NOT SUCK IT

(3 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

:
hunger hurts but starving works, when it costs too much to love
LaNka Elf: I walk into the theatre room
LaNka Elf: and in big letters on the board it says:
LaNka Elf: SARA GOLDSTEIN HAS TO MAKE OUT WITH CHAD. NAKED.
LaNka Elf: LOVE LINDSAY.

(4 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Friday, November 24th, 2006
9:25 pm
darlin you've got to let me know...
Here's some random pictures/drawings i did on paint...




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(6 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
12:30 pm
yet another really good pro-homo song, this one's incredibly profoudn too. Seriously, lyrical genius these cocaine addicts are.

"Gay Rude Boys Unite" by Leftover Crack

Unity! HA! yer such a saint today
you may be anti racist but then you're anti gay
you may be ignorant from a lack of education
but if it's sympathy you see you seek
you better turn to another station

Intolerant society rears it's ugly face
you're turning your native music into a homophobic disgrace
the gay ones, the straight ones, the white tan yellow and black
gay rude boys and girls, we're gonna take that dancehall back
we'll take it back!
because without respect there's gonna be nothing left

This double standard just won't sit that well with me
I come to say this and it's just the way it has to be
you know i'm not PC i'll shoot your kid at school
'cuz he's gonna grow up to be a fucking asshole just like you
you can celebrate your unity till every gay is dead
but why don't you stop your fronting with real unity instead
and on a better dime on this shitty little globe
we would crucify the racists and be bashing all the homophobes

Intolerant society rears it's ugly face
you're turning your hardcore music into a homophobic disgrace
the gay ones, the straight ones, the white tan yellow and black
gay rude boys and girls, we're gonna take that dancehall back
we'll take it back, we'll take it back
because without respect there's gonna be nothing left

2000 triple zero stand up and take a look around
this ignorant fucking shit shouldn't happen in any town
so come on leave the closet and on your way out grab a bat
cuz there's a battle to be fought and the prize is fucking phat
autonomy from ignorance there's got to be a better way
but the racist, sexist homophobes and piggies gotta pay
but right now you got to get out of your fucking seat
and jam down to the faggot rythm's of that crack rock steady beat

(2 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Friday, November 17th, 2006
4:08 pm
man i'm happy..

RIPac97: i love your pookah

i'm seeing garden state with ryan tonight. Yay. Dramarama this weekend...aww hell yeah

(ring in my ears)

Sunday, November 12th, 2006
6:07 pm
we dance to all the wrong songs...
so, all the gay marriages in california have been declared invalid. Fuck america. I dedicate this song to our darling president bush and all the millions upon millions of other stupid, ignorant, hick-faced assholes that polute our united states of america...

"I Wanna Be a Homosexual"
by Screeching Weasel

I've got a little lisp, and I've been working on my limp wrist.
Women are a drag, I think I wanna be a faggot, man.
A mincing ninny, prancing fairy, merry little queen.
A Bruce Labruce wet dream, a Nancy Boy with wings.

I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be

Shock the middle class, take it up your punk rock ass.
You rub your little thing, when you see phony dykes in Penthouse magazine.
So what's the difference Mr. Cream Rinse, yuo just need a man.
A beefy leather fag, to take you out in drag oh yeah.

I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be

Call me a faggot, call me a butt loving, fudge packing queer.
But I don't care 'cause it's the straight in straight-edge,
that makes me wanna drink a beer and be a pansy, and be a homo.

Shock the middle class, take it up your punk rock ass.
You rub your puny thing, when you see studs with tight jeans ass you on the street.
Who wears short shorts? You wear short shorts.
You're so full of shit
Why don't you admit that you don't have the balls to be a queer.

I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be a homosexual.

(5 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Monday, October 23rd, 2006
1:59 am
i am ridiculously self involved. I didn't even fully realize what a narcissist i am until today. I always knew i was selfish, but i really just focus so much on my own issues that i can't possibly see when other people need my help. Damnit. I've found my biggest flaw.

(ring in my ears)

Saturday, October 21st, 2006
7:25 pm
what sillyness....
RocK SteadY 2845: i have reasons to believe i saw your "small mother" stopped next to me at a stoplight on flw and shea
RocK SteadY 2845: but that's just between you and i
InfernalPapaya: haha
InfernalPapaya: and the spaceships
InfernalPapaya: she is small
RocK SteadY 2845: yes, and the lack of right turns
RocK SteadY 2845: haha, the hawaiian print seat covers caught my eye
InfernalPapaya: which never happened
InfernalPapaya: haha
InfernalPapaya: well it must've been her
RocK SteadY 2845: of course not..hypothetically of course
InfernalPapaya: right
RocK SteadY 2845: good thing i didn't shoot her
InfernalPapaya: i'm glad someone's seen her, she kind of dissappeared
RocK SteadY 2845: that's strange, especially since she lives in your house
InfernalPapaya: i thought she was going to the grocery store but she's been gone a long time, i think we've been abandoned
InfernalPapaya: quite peculiar indeed
RocK SteadY 2845: oh that sucks for you
RocK SteadY 2845: home alone 12
InfernalPapaya: i know, i'm hungry
RocK SteadY 2845: "where's my small mother?"
InfernalPapaya: i hope joe pesci doesn't break into my house, i better lay down some marbles
RocK SteadY 2845: well you'll need to eat eventually, eat the dog
RocK SteadY 2845: yeah..good plan
InfernalPapaya: or maybe she is home and she's just so small i didn't see her
InfernalPapaya: it wouldn't be the first time
RocK SteadY 2845: and get some fans, feathers, and some kind of sticky substance propped up on the door
InfernalPapaya: yeah!
RocK SteadY 2845: that is possible
RocK SteadY 2845: go get the giant magnifying glass
InfernalPapaya: i guess this is why we have it
InfernalPapaya: mother!
RocK SteadY 2845: and also why it's in a glass case with a label reading "break incase of mother loss"
InfernalPapaya: exactly
InfernalPapaya: or incase of giant ant attack
RocK SteadY 2845: YES
InfernalPapaya: which are equally possible
RocK SteadY 2845: and lastly if giant sherlock holmes is in the neighborhood and loses his personal giant magnifying glass
InfernalPapaya: of course
InfernalPapaya: we're doing our bit to help
RocK SteadY 2845: indeed
RocK SteadY 2845: well, i must be off. Nanny business, you know. Better go jump off the roof with my umbrella, i'm already late.
InfernalPapaya: cheerio

(ring in my ears)

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
11:50 pm
stop yo messin around
Pear815: i like to pound the shit out of a ball you knwo baseball really gets my frustration out
RocK SteadY 2845: ooh yeah, everytime i've had a bad day i hit the tracks for some good running
RocK SteadY 2845: really motivates me to just run and sweat
Pear815: yeah i fell yeah i just feel yeh girl
RocK SteadY 2845: then sometimes i play a little tennis if i've got the energy
Pear815: oh i just stick to baseball
RocK SteadY 2845: understood

props to eric for this pic..

(ring in my ears)

12:45 am
naaaaah
stark is making fun of me because she DESTROYED. My house.

Anyways.

Today was rather on the pleasant side. Natalie and i attacked the stark residence. We got this hula girl, appropriotely named drew, and some lei's (sp?) at party city DISCOUNTED because we knew a kid named DREW there. Anyways, we taped it to her door with a nice message. We atlast waited at goldie's to hear from her, and then came over her and attacked her with lots of hugs. I can't be seperated for too long from my stark. It's wrong. So we just hung out there until the show. Went to the show, it was fun. They played very well. Found out ryan had used my name during 'guns' at practice and was rather bitter. During the actual playing of 'guns', kayla, devon and i made a pit for the ex-files. Space whore was appropriotely dedicated to natalie. Uhh...i dont feel like typing anymore. The past couple of days have been pretty good, i miss jaylen. But i'm glad stark's back x 9275298347923. Oh yes and i kissed sarah stark and natalie on the lips hahaha..now i have THREE people on my list.

Here's some pictures from the past couple of days....(or more)


devon and i=sailor mars and sailor moon...OH YEAH

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i'm glad i finally thought of something to do for stood up shot down's CD cover..but i'm nervous about not being able to do it. Arrgh...scenery=a large bitch.

oh yeah, i have 5th lunch. I think i already know the lunch of everyone who reads this...but...yes. I can't type tonight.

Current Mood: cranky

(7 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

Friday, September 22nd, 2006
4:57 pm
yes
due to my lack of livejournal use as of late..i'm going to do a friends list sweep.

i'm just going to remove all members who i do not personally know..just for convenience and privacy's sake...nothing personal. If you want to keep me on your friends list, that's cool..if not, that's cool.

(4 walked into spiderwebs ring in my ears)

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